AT THE MERCY OF YOUR STARE (POEM)

I know that I have always come at you with my words. Maybe it is because I am a man of words. The words run through my mind and body like a fever and God knows that I wish I had control over them but my dear, I don't. What is worse is that I cannot hold them back especially when you come around. I know I have not spoken all the words; the essential words that come to mind when we meet. This being said, it in no way indicates that the words that I muster courage to be able to tell you are lies; they are true reflections of my innermost thoughts. If ever there were times I could not let you see my thoughts, it is because of the fear of what the implications these thoughts, when spoken may bring. Maybe I have not been fair to you, maybe I have. In all this; fair or not; what you reflect; the thought on my thoughts reveal that I am 'half' a man and I truly am. You say you want to know the truth and I cannot agree with you more because no truth can escape you. But does keeping something away from you and telling you later make it a lie? I have been forced to look into your satisfying eyes even though I was pressed for time. So I looked. Now you know the truth and I thought it was going to make all things right but to my disappointment, the truth has left me with nothing but emptiness and a pinch of indifference. What is truth? Why do we seek it and when we painstakingly find it, it makes us bitter and filled with scorn? Now the truth you so much desired is turning into an open secret and with it, an open door for you to punish me with your stare. I accept your judgment because you know best. I accept my faults and I accept your conditions. I should have been man enough to tell you my thoughts when they came to mind. Maybe I did not want to lose you to the truth, maybe I wanted you to hold on to the believable; the parts that reflect when I look you in the eye for a while. I did not let my thoughts out for one thing; the fear of losing you. Now that you have found out, you want to walk out of my life. Please stay. I have showed you what you wanted to see. Now that you know, please stay for I would be a broken man without you. That is the true reflection of my cowardly state of mind oh mirror, my sweet little mirror. More at randomafricanthoughts.blogspot.com.