So it happened again, I was a member of a commercial bus again ( I think it is about time I bought myself a car) and for some strange but familiar reason, the conductor had overlooked me and was busily counting the moments take. Whenever he turned to look towards where I was seated, I knew he wanted to ask me for my fare because I felt probably he had realized that his take was lacking. Each time he did, he smiled at me and I was so tense that all I could do was respond with a thumbs up because I knew if I smiled back at him, it was going to look so awkward that he would instantly know that I had not paid my fare. While he innocently smiled, my mind had turned into a battlefield. Many forces were battling for supremacy as if it was some sort of competition. I did not know whether to listen to the voice of morality, goodwill and doing what is right because that part of my mind was of the view that "God is watching you. This might be a test. Do you have a good conscience?". Immediately, I began to go over the few memory verses in my head to help me justify the claim and I got a thousand and one of them. The other party was of a view which I tried so hard not to listen to but it made sense to me and "they" were of the view that "God knows you are in economic crisis and wants to give you some respite, have you not realized that these things only happen when you do not have enough to spend?. It is a divine gift from God to you". When I heard this other submission, I thought to myself "This can be a blessing in disguise because God cannot physically come down to pay the fare, he works through people and I cannot forget that he also works in mysterious ways". The battle went on and on but one party had to win the debate. As much as I tried to deal with the fact that all the cases presented held enough basis for implementation, only one seemed right. It is the will to choose the "right" one was where the problem was. This is what I call the battlefield of the mind.
There have been countless times involving certain circumstances and situations where we as humans had to endure such a battle in our minds. I know I am not the only one who has experienced this "tug of war". Some of these circumstances and situations are easy to deal with. Others take time and goodwill to overcome. Sometimes we find excuses for the choices we make. We sometimes relegate morality and conscience and act on logic, pleasure, eye service, that thing inside that does not want to make others feel bad and emotions. These little forces of "good and evil", "right and wrong" if you will or "light and darkness" for others is all a state of mind. It normally tells a person's character after the choice is made. I have a friend, Alfred, I like women but Alfred loves every woman. It so happened that he visited me at home one time around that time of the month (when I am at my lowest). I managed to rally some spare change from my sister's purse so we could at least get some rice at a local eatery. We took a stroll to the eatery upon our arrival, I knew instantly that I had made a mistake by giving him the money to buy the food because we met two of his female friends there who were already eating. This guy run over to these ladies, run to the counter and bought two bottles of soft drinks for the ladies. I could not find enough strength to weep because I knew that morning I was going to go hungry. With the change he had left, he ordered just rice and stew and we took it back home. I believe that the battle in his mind was an enormous one. I do not really blame him. I dealt with him severely on our way back. Honestly, I was scolding him but I would have done same if I were to be in his shoes. Sometimes the battle takes over our sense of reasoning so much so that we only realize the repercussion of our actions after the deed has long been done. We all go through many situations that lead us in many directions but the repercussion our actions produce normally goes a long way in letting people in on our state of mind, conscience and character. The battle is real. More often than not, we console ourselves with the popular saying that "the spirit is willing but the body is weak" whenever we make a bad choice. There is probably no excuse for wrongdoing therefore anything that mares your sense of reasoning and conscience should be considered a no-no but we are only humans. My name is Edwin Oko Lamptey and this is a "world war III" R.A.T (RANDOM AFRICAN THOUGHT). More at randomafricanthoughts.blogspot.com
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